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Francis Williams

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Jokes
Steve Coffin	Hi Guys Right, I need your help. I shall be next week giving an after dinner speech to 30 males. I need some class jokes, low down and dirty!! At least I am on before the stripper!! Cheers Steve Feb. 15, 2010 Delete post

CHRIS WILTSHIRE	Right Ho! this is one that benefits from the telling and can be strung out with embellishments. Timing as with most jokes is the key! "The Corgi Joke" Rich business man arrives back from a working trip on private jet. James the chauffer meets him in the >>>>>> (whatever vehicle impresses you& audience) As they drive home BM asks J for any news. J says yes..some good some bad. BM asks for bad news first. J. Sorry to say little >>>> (corgi's name) is dead BM Thats sad.. he was ok when I left last week. J. Well sir...it was a bit of an accident we think. BM Accident?! J. Yes...a horse fell on him. Bm Horse!? J yep your Derby winner. BM How could that have happened J well here's the thing. It must have been when the horse collapsed under the beam. Bm Beam!? J yes blazing roof beam BM blazing....?! J Yes...from the stable roof BM You mean the stable where I keep my 30 championship horses. J Yup! Burnt to the ground...and the corgi dead...oh we got all the amimals out except the Derby winner...and the corgi. Bm That's terrible...how could it have happened? J Well ......we think the spark probably blew across from the manor house...and up she went. Bm The house! My lovely 16th Century 50 bedroom house....!!!?????? J Yup! All gone..right down to the foundation...not one brick standing. Bm Oh God how could this have occurred?????? J Good question Sir. My theory..begging you pardon...is that it was all them candles....probably set fire to the curtains Bm Candles!? We don't use candles. J They was out of respect Sir. Bm Out of respect...what do mean? J Well you remember her ladyship was feeling a little unwell last week when you left....Well on Friday she took a turn for the worse and despite our best efforts she passed away next day. Well we didn't know waht to do for the best so we laid her out on the dining room table with candles at the corners. Very dignified if I may be so bold. Anyway as the weather was warm we left the windows open and the breeze must have blown the curtains into the flame.....and up it all went...and the corgi's dead! Bm OOOOOhhh. This is deardful...what am I going to do? You said there was some good news? J Oh yes Sir..nearly forgot. You know the tomatoes along the south wall? Well what with all the heat they've really come on a treat!! Feb. 15, 2010 Delete post

Francis Williams	From my good friend Brian Neale THEY ARE FINALLY TOGETHER Judy got married and had 13 children. Her first husband, Ted, died of cancer. She got married again, this time to Bob. They had seven more children. Bob was killed in a car accident 12 years later. Judy again remarried, this time to John, and had 5 more children. Then John died of a heart attack. Judy finally died, after having 25 children. Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, "Lord, they are finally together." Ethel leaned over and quietly asked her best friend, Margaret: "Do you think he means her first, second, or third husband?" Margaret replied . . . "I think he means her legs, Ethel!" Feb. 15, 2010 Delete post

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