Hi all
Blame it on Sticky but these tales made me chuckle, hope they do the same for you!!!
LITTLE HARRY ON MATHS (1)
A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence, and
you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'
She calls on little Harry..
He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.'
The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your
thinking.'
Then little Harry says, 'I have a question for YOU Miss Rogers'.
There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking on the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?'
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one
that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.'
To which Little Harry replies, 'The correct answer is 'The one with the
wedding-ring on, 'but I like your thinking.'
LITTLE HARRY ON MATHS (PART2)
Little Harry returns from school and says he got an 'F' in arithmetic.
'Why'? asks the father.
'The teacher asked 'How much is 2 x 3', so I said 6', replies Harry.
'But that's right' says his father.
'Yeah, but then she asked me, 'How much is 3 x 2'
'What's the fuckin' difference?' asks the father.
'That's what I said' replied Harry.
LITTLE HARRY ON ENGLISH
Little Harry goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going
to learn multi-syllable words in our class. Does anybody have an
example of a multi-syllable word?'
Harry says 'Mas-tur-bate.'
Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, Harry, that's a real mouthful.'
Little Harry says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blow-job.'
LITTLE HARRY ON GRAMMAR
Little Harry was sitting in the class one day.
All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom...
He yelled out, 'Miss Jones, I need to go take a piss!!'
The teacher replied, 'Now Harry, that is NOT the proper word to use in
this situation. The correct word you want to is, 'I need to Urinate'.
Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
allow you to go.'
Little Harry thinks for a bit, and then says, 'YOUR'E AN EIGHT, but if
you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN'
LITTLE HARRY ON GRAMMAR (Part 2)
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show
of hands from those who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same
sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, 'My father
bought my mother a beautiful dress, and she looked beautiful in it.'
'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher.
She then called on little Michael.
'My mommy planned a beautiful banquet, and it turned out beautifully.'
She said, 'Excellent, Michael, excellent.'
Then the teacher reluctantly called on little Harry.
'Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was
pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just fuckin' beautiful'.
LITTLE HARRY ON GETTING OLDER
Little Harry was sitting on a park bench, munching on one candy bar
after another.
After the 6th bar, a man on the bench across from him said, 'Son, you
know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne,
rot your teeth, and make you fat.'
Little Harry replied, 'My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.'
The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time'?
Little Harry answered, 'No, he just minded his own fuckin' business.
Cheers
Steve
- 2/4/2010 10:03:43 AM
1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6)
2) Oysters ' balls are called pearls. (James age 6)
3) If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island . If you don ' t have
sea all round you, you are incontinent. ( Wayne age 7)
4) Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richard
son. She ' s not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6)
5) A dolphin breaths through an arsehole on the top of its head.
(Billy age 8)
6) My dad goes out in his boat, and comes back with crabs.
(Emily Burniston age 5)
7) When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the
ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn ' t blow, the sailors would whistle
to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off eating
beans. (William age 7)
8) I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. How
do mermaids get pregnant? (Helen age 6)
9) I ' m not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always
screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at my Mum, and my big
sister has just got pregnant, so I can ' t think what to write. (Amy age
6)
10) Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give
you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they
have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher age 7)
11) When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my
willy small. (Kevin age 6)
12) Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Two divers can '
t go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky age 8)
13) On holiday my Mum went water skiing. She fell off when she was going
very fast. She says she won ' t do it again because water shot up her
fanny. (Julie age 7).